Everyone thinks you’re an adult, but you can’t even boil an egg and you still eat Skittles for dinner. That’s why you gotta empower yourself with the fake it ’til you make it mentality!
To help get you started, here are 40 tips and tricks that will make your house guests think you have your stuff together. Just invite your friends over to your house for a visit, and let your clever hospitality do the talking.
1) Keep a case of sparkling mineral water in the fridge
If you really want to wow your friends, hand them a bottle of the fancy sparkly stuff as soon as they walk through the front door! But, don’t be a cheap ninny – use glass bottles to show them that you really care.
No one wants to wants to wax philosophical about the origins of the mysterious brown ring in the toilet bowl. Which is why making sure your toilet is sparkling clean is a total no-brainer!
3) Decorate with leafy green herbs
If you really want to go after that hipster vibe, decorate your scared space with the fresh herbs you just bought at the farmer’s market. Your friends will just assume you have a secret garden in the basement!
4) Toss some throw pillows around
Why bother buying a new couch when you can just hide all those pizza stains and kitty claw marks with some strategically placed throw pillows. They can even make that free couch you got off Craigslist look good! (Just don’t expect them to fix that public urinal smell.)
5) Be a pretentious fruit bowl snob
Want to know how to give your home an instant Martha Stewart facelift? Grab your prettiest bowl and fill it with a bunch of store-bought lemons. All your dinner guests will automatically assume the Limoncello you’re serving is made from scratch.
6) Tell Alexa to dim the lights
Soft, dim lighting can hide all the dust bunnies that you never bothered to clean up in the 5 years you’ve lived there. The logic here is pretty sound – if you can’t see it, neither can anyone else!
7) Pretend you have a wine cellar in the pantry
Bring your guests a glass of red wine as they arrive so they don’t suspect you buy the cheap stuff by the gallon. If the want to know the vintage, just tell them your pantry was dark but it sounded really old when you popped the
spout cork!
8) Don’t spend a dime on dessert
Need a last-minute dessert idea? Just dig around in your kitchen cabinet for that bar of dark chocolate that’s been sitting there for ages. It’ll pair great with the bag of stale nuts in your gym bag and the mushy pears you meant to throw away two days ago.
9) Overwhelm them with tea
Always offer your guests a variety of different tea options to confuse them. While they’re trying to decide between the imaginary lemongrass mint or French licorice that you don’t really have, they’ll be too busy to notice when you hand them a cup of Lipton.
10) Bring out porcelain dragonware
Always use your best china when your friends pop in for a visit. After all, they deserve to have their Lipton tea served up in the finest of the finest!
11) Buy decent paper napkins
While there’s nothing wrong with using the free napkins you get from the fast food drive-thru, your friends and family probably won’t be too impressed with the grease stains. The good news is that you don’t even have to get anything with a fancy print – just learn how to stack them like this and they’ll think you’re a catering genius!
12) Show off your green thumb
The best way to show off your green thumb is to choose a zombie vampire ghost plant that lives forever and ever. Succulents like this jade variety are a great choice because they’re basically immortal and will survive no matter how many times you accidentally kill it.
13) Put a hardcover book with big words on the coffee table
You know that
Crime and Punishment book you faked reading while you were in college? Maintain the illusion that you’re smarter than you are by placing an Albanian translation of this masterpiece on your coffee table.
There are two good reasons why you should hide your toothbrush before guests come over. First, you don’t want to give anyone the opportunity to swish it around in the toilet bowl when they’re having a bad day. Second, this is your chance to make everyone feel special by bringing out the bougie toiletries you swiped from your last hotel stay.
15) Make your toilet paper look like an envelope
Bathroom decor doesn’t stop with the mini bars of soap! Make it look like you have daily maid service by folding a roll of toilet paper into a clever origami masterpiece.
16) Store all your food in a mason jar
You know all that packaging that was good enough to hold your rice, cereal, and M&Ms at the grocery store? Well, throw it all away because your peeps deserve to look at beans and almonds through the lens of pretty glass jars.
17) Cook a full Sunday roast
You’re not really a grown up until you’ve successfully navigated this rite of passage. If your friends eat it and don’t throw up, you can go ahead and pat yourself on the back. Bonus points if you make Yorkshire pudding and you’re actually a Yank!
18) Create ambiance with groovy mood lighting
Give your guests the experience of a psychedelic sunset without the ‘shrooms. They’ll feel like they’ve been whisked away to another dimension and you didn’t even have to buy expensive VR glasses!
19) Give them something to read in the loo
Friends don’t let friends drop their expensive smartphones in the toilet. Always make sure there’s a stack of reading material in the bathroom that can also double as toilet paper in a pinch.
20) Use bolster pillows in the guest bedroom
A nicely decorated guest bedroom will always impress even the pickiest of friends. However, nothing adds an air of sophistication like the totally useless bolster pillow that everyone always ends up tossing onto the floor.
21) Close the shower curtain
Go on, admit it, when’s the last time you actually scrubbed the bathroom tub? If you can see your own footprints in the tile, then close the curtains and give everyone a good reason to high tail it out of there!
22) Bust out the luxury hand soap
Ditch the cheap drugstore soap and bring the fake French stuff out of hiding. It doesn’t even matter if it’s 20 years old and the pump is clogged. No one will think they’re good enough to touch such finery, so your secret will be safe!
Candles are the quickest way to make your home feel super cozy and inviting. It reminds people of ancient times, when our ancestors gathered around the fire for warmth, safety, and the char-burned mystery meat of the day.
24) Bribe them with treats
Always have a basket of snacks and treats available for hungry guests. If you don’t have anything prepared ahead of time, then grab a plastic baggie and fill it with whatever random crunchy things you happen to find in the pantry.
25) Toss a fuzzy throw rug on the floor
If it’s good enough for your pup to roll around and play in, then it’s good enough for your guests. But, don’t banish your pup to the bedroom – he can provide cheap entertainment while you get the mac and cheese dinner ready.
26) Put all your spice jars on display
Always make sure your fancy spice jars are at eye level. Even if you don’t know where capers come from or what to do with cardamom seeds, your guests will still think you’re a culinary genius!
27) Serve drinks with artisanal ice cubes
Wowing guests with a boring cheese platter is so 1950’s. But, if you serve them drinks with edible wildflower-infused ice cubes, they’ll take it as a sure sign that you’re from the future!
28) Don’t forget the agate coasters
Seriously, though! Nothing says you’re a domestic goddess like fresh mason jar lemonade served on top of an agate crystal coaster.
29) Netflix and chill with a mandala blanket
Go onto Etsy or Wish, and get a scrappy mandala blanket for your leather movie couch right now. Because you want nothing but the best for your friends to cozy up with, right?
30) Get a globe mini bars
You know those globe mini bars that your grandpa always hid his whisky in? Not only does it ooze old school cool, but you can also play drunk “pin the tail on the country” games with it, too!
31) Use white bamboo linens and mosquito netting
Forget 2 million thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets. These days it’s all about sustainability, and white bamboo sheets give off that eco-friendly “I’m too good to eat Cheetos in bed” vibe.
Sponges automatically imply that you prioritize cleanliness above all else. The fact that you’ve purchased a tiny home for your sponge makes it very clear that you mean business (and that perhaps you have a weird sponge fetish).
33) Hang a mail organizer on the wall
A mail sorter/key rack/wireless charging shelf is the first thing people will see when they walk through the front door. Make it really count by using 200-year-old reclaimed wood!
34) Give your bathroom a 5-star Yelp rating
If you only have a few moments to spare, then hand roll your towels to give your bathroom an instant upgrade. Remember, attention to detail is everything, so double check to make sure there aren’t towels with makeup stains that look like your face.
35) Bust out the exotic cheese knives
After you’ve graduated from using a dull butter knife to serve up snacks, it’s time to get your PhD in advanced cutlery. Forget the stainless steel stuff, though – these hand-carved wood cheese knives are totally dope!
36) Offer your guests some plush amenities
If you have a no-shoes policy in your home, courtesy house slippers says that you care. But, don’t just hand your friends any old pair of fuzzy pink bunnies to slide their feet into – these rockin’ TANK slippers are where it’s at!
37) Get a decanter and learn how to use it
You’re not really a grown up until you’ve purchased your very first wine decanter. But, being an adult doesn’t stop there – you need to learn some proper pour techniques so you don’t spill it all over the table.
38) Offer up some aromatic refreshments
Give your home a spa-like feel by offering your guests a selection of your best essential oils. Sniffing stuff never used to be this good, or legal!
39) Show off your Roomba Rabbit
Owning a Roomba with an optional long-eared bunny accessory is a sign of ultimate success! Which is why you should always make sure there’s a Roomba Rabbit cleaning the floors when your friends come over.
40) Make them feel like a queen
Who needs comfy bean bags when your guests can lounge around on this amethyst throne? Their butt may hurt, but they’ll like it!
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Everyone thinks you’re an adult, but you can’t even boil an egg and you still eat Skittles for dinner. That’s why you gotta empower yourself with the fake it ’til you make it mentality!
To help get you started, here are 40 tips and tricks that will make your house guests think you have your stuff together. Just invite your friends over to your house for a visit, and let your clever hospitality do the talking.
